Three little three letter words. They seem straightforward. Perhaps too direct. Maybe that’s why, put together this way, they form a question no one ever asks outside of daytime TV dramas. But, here in the space between, I bet it’s something you ask yourself.
Identity. So basic and therefore so fundamental to our happiness. Rooted in biology, identity with a group helps cement relationships, establishing a pack to provide protection and nurturing. Abraham Maslow, in his hierarchy of needs, articulated belonging, esteem and self-actualization as the top three (of five!) tiers: all of which tie into our sense of identity – as individuals and as group members.
Which is why when our identity shifts, whether through our own choices or forces outside our control, it can lead us to feel anxious and uncertain. Will the pack accept this new me? If not, will you be able to find a new pack that will have your back?
Identify shifts are programmed into our DNA but also taught to be scary, which is kind of a raw deal since identity is fluid. We all experience several versions of ourselves over the years: child, teen, adult, student, parent, grandparent, etc. We move. We change jobs. We switch from pilates to crossfit to couch potato (while we recuperate from sports-related injuries). Gender, race, religion, profession, education: they all contribute to our definitions of ourselves. And increasingly, people are demanding non-binary options.
Thanks to my previous career, I may have had a few additional identities over the years. Yet never has the issue of identity haunted me as much as it has since I became a mom.